Baby A at 6 weeks

This is just a super quick update as I'm spending most of my time at the hospital at the moment.

Baby A has been here nearly 6 weeks, and it seems like the has always been here, but it also seems like just yesterday she was born.

Since the last update, she moved into a therma-cot, and was only in there a few days before being moved to a normal (non heated cot.) I can't explain how much of a difference it has been having her in an open cot. In the incubator we could only hold her once a day and the nurses had to give her to us. Since being in an open cot, we can hold her whenever we like, we can pick her up ourselves, and this means we're so much more independent, and feel so much more involved in her life!

Not to mention picking clothes and dressing her adds to the 'real mum' tasks, which I love.

She came off all monitoring over a week ago, so we have a wireless baby! Cord free, wohoo!

She is so much chubbier and 'baby looking' than even a few weeks ago.

As for feeding, in the last day or two she has taken off! Doing several feeds exclusively breastfeeding with no top-ups. She has lost weight (it takes her more energy to feed), so we're balancing that, but apparently it's normal in the transition to feeding.

Because of that we're in the pre-discharge nursery, and this weekend I might try bedding in and see how she goes with feeding through the night...!

It might be a week, or a few weeks till she comes home (it all depends how she goes with feeding), but it really feels like we're making progress. I'm basically at the hospital full time now, so I feel really involved with her, which I love.

It means life is tiring, and messy and busy, but isn't that what life is like with a newborn anyway?

Here's hoping our next update is the 'coming home' update....!

Her room is ready, here's a peek:

We're ready for you Baby A x

Early Buds Prem Pack

Early Buds are an awesome NZ charity that supports families with premature babies . Their website contains lots of information, both for prem parents and those around the families.

I especially like their article on 'What to say to a parent with a prem.' I know people mean well, but hearing 'at least you avoided the uncomfortable bits of pregnancy,' or 'you're so lucky having full time baby sitters' are not things prem parents need to hear.

Early Buds send a pack of goodies to parents of prem babies. The pack is amazing!

It contains

• Knitted hat and booties
• Cotton Hat
• A NICU gown
• Lovely lavender face cream
• Eye mask 
• Beautiful burp cloths
• Cute cloth for mum to keep close by then give to baby
• Various small samples and discount vouchers

All the items are exquisite! And what an awesome pack for parents going through that hard time. If you are the creative type you can make some of the items that are in the packs (linked above.) Or you could donate knitting, or money.

Thanks Early Buds, we really appreciate the cool pack, and website resources.

Baby A and Nicu life: an update

Here we are, our first family photo, with Baby A at 2 weeks old. 

She loves cuddles with her Daddy

We're  starting to get into a routine and past the early days of the NICU blur.

Baby A is doing so well. As well as a baby born at 30 weeks could. She is off all breathing support and off her IV line. Now she only has the naso-gastric tube (to feed her milk) and a few monitors on her. She looks like a real baby instead of an astronaut!

She is slowly gaining weight and growing. She still spends most of her time sleeping, but we've noticed when we do her cares (washing her, changing her nappy etc), she tends to wake up for longer periods to have big stretches and to look around.

We give her kangaroo (skin to skin) cuddles every day, and she really relaxes into it- falling into a deep content sleep. We read to her, talk to her, and often have a wee nap ourselves (those Lazy-boys are veeery comfortable.)

She had her first bath a few days ago and she loved it. She was very alert and happy, and I loved the interaction with her.

Next steps for her will be getting into a therma-cot (an open cot), but she has to be a bit bigger so she can maintain her own temperature first.
The other thing is for her to give breastfeeding a try. She had a wee try for about 5 minutes today, and the promptly fell asleep- it's very hard work! It will be quite a few weeks before she is able to get all her milk directly from me.

Milk drunk

Baby A is so placid (so far!), hardly ever crying. The nurses always tell us she has been so good. We love seeing her more as a 'real baby' now- with a bit more interaction than we had at the start.

The nurses tell us hearing, touch and smell are the strongest senses for babies so I talk to her lots, touch her and leave a little cloth that I keep on me with her. 

We think she is so beautiful and precious.

***

As for me. I am healing well from my surgery, and my blood pressure is nearly back to normal. The amount of drugs I am on has reduced greatly. I can wear 'normal' clothes now (jeans! tie up shoes!) and basically look like I did pre-pregnancy, so this all helps me feel more like myself. However, I am still exhausted all the time, still overly emotional, still struggling to cope with it all sometimes. My tolerance level is really low, even the littlest thing will have me in floods of tears at the moment. Really time to invest in waterproof mascara I think.

I've been cleared to drive (wohoo freedom!) by my midwife, who also insists that instead of pumping regularly through the night, I must try to get a stretch of 6 hours of sleep (I could kiss her! *mwah*). I am yet to actually get 6 hours of sleep  (getting about 4 at the most) because my body loves to wake me up to pump at strange hours.

***

I'm slowly learning more and more about life with a preemie baby. When I was pregnant I imagined passing my baby to other people, helping her learn to be social and not dependent on me. I thought parents who kept their babies isolated and with breathing monitors in their cots were paranoid.

Well now I am that mother. Because preemie babies have very low immune systems, I will not be passing her round to others for several months, (people can cuddle her at our home, not out and about), and we will be mostly staying at home. Because Matt and I have been so deprived of cuddles with her, when she comes home I think we will cuddle her all the time. My midwife said generally people are told not to hold their babies all the time (and I once agreed with this), but she said that if we want to hold her all the time, we should let ourselves. We've been through so much, thoughts of 'spoiling' her will be the last thing on our minds. I can't wait till I can hold her whenever I want.

We are investing in a breathing monitor too, as preemie babies are at higher risk for cot deaths.

Yes, I am now that paranoid mum, who will tell you not to come over if you have a sniffle, to wash your hands before you touch my baby, and I don't care.

***

We've been overwhelmed with the generosity of others in this time- I wrote a blog post about it here.

In saying that, I've been surprised at those who have taken the time to visit us- many people who I though were closer to me haven't even been in touch. Others who I wasn't as close with have been life savers, visiting us in NICU, giving me lifts to the hospital and so on. I think it's common to be surprised by peoples reactions and responses in these kind of situations.

If you are worried about contacting me, please don't be, I'd love visitors, I love to talk about 'normal' things and life outside of the hospital, and I'd love to show off my baby to you. 

***

Generosity

Having a premature baby in NICU is not the easiest of journeys.

However, this whole experience has opened my eyes to the generosity of people around us. I have never felt more loved, cared for, treasured in my life.

Friends, family, acquaintances have offered their time to drive me, their homes to stay in, meals, hugs and chats. Oh and gifts. Oh the gifts! Having a baby is like getting married all over again. So many gifts and flowers and chocolate! And so much joy.

Matt and I have been blown away with the amount of baby clothes, baby gear, and treats for us that we have been given. Baby A will never want for anything this first year of her life. And she will be the most stylish baby on the block! (when she can finally wear clothes.)

Second hand or new (it really doesn't matter at this age), we have been gifted more than we could ever imagine.

And I know one day we will be able to pass on these gifts and toys to other families, and that will be a joy for us too.

So, we want to say thank you. You all being so generous is making my heart explode with the love of a thousand cute puppies. Thank you xx

Beautiful things

I (re)found this song the other day.

(Beautiful things, Gungor.)

Here are some of the lyrics:

"All this pain,

I wonder if I'll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in you

You make me new, you are making me new."

I listened to this song on repeat and cried and cried (post-partum hormones partly to blame.) This song reminded me of a mere 6-8 months ago when I was feeling sad and hopeless after the miscarriages. Little did I know that straight away I would be pregnant again. And now I have my beautiful baby. Our rainbow baby, conceived in a time of dust, of emptiness, of dry land, now here, a beautiful thing from the broken. Out of chaos, came life.

And now we have been thrown in the deep end again, but I am clinging onto God, clinging onto hope. And I am seeing a pattern in my life of the valley, followed by hope and by new life, and I know I just have to keep walking here, one step in front of the other, and we'll be out the other side before we know it.