Things are different this pregnancy, but some things are comfortingly familiar too.
The vomiting and mornings spent over the sink. Except this time I have a mini me who likes to imitate my retching sounds and laugh to herself.
The bone tiredness that has lead me to fall asleep at work twice...! And to plonk Ada in front of a dvd in hopes I'll get a few minutes shut eye (didn't work).
The anxiety and worry of early pregnancy have been similar to the first. An ED trip, 3 urgent scans, lots going on and not much happening. Once again I am relieved and thankful to have made it to the second trimester.
This time I am well looked after, but pregnancy has lost it's innocence. Daily injections, regular check ups, scans and tests. Talks of percentages of pre-eclampsia, abruptions and blood clots, and chances of making it to my August due date (very unlikely.) Discussions of risks and hospitals capabilities and staying close to medical care at all times. Things are different.
The joy of seeing out wee bean transform from a smudge to an alien like creature, to a wee baby is still as strong as the first pregnancy. Perhaps even stronger, as now I know what that wee dot is likely to grow into one day.
All in all I'd say pregnancy is one big waiting and trusting game. Those close to me will know the times I've struggled with worry and the times I've tried my best to trust my body and trust my baby. I believe God has a plan for this baby, and I believe that whatever may come our way, I, we, are strong enough to get through.
Today, I'm just enjoying the growing bump and anticipating the kicks to come. Trying not to think too far ahead, but imagining life with a sweet babe again in our arms.