It has crept up on me a bit, but I am 26 weeks pregnant. As I get closer and closer to 30 weeks (the gestation I had Ada, the 'big' milestone) I am feeling a strange sense of calm with a tinge of nerves.
When I was 26 weeks pregnant with Ada I had no idea we only had 4 weeks to go. This time we are ready for anything.
As we wait, and tick off the days, I have prepared myself for any possibility. My hospital bag is packed *just in case*. Ada will be beginning part time daycare later this month, for many reasons, and one is so that she is settled into a new centre *just in case* things happen and she needs more care hours. Baby's room is a work in progress but all the essentials are ready, waiting, for whenever they are needed.
Keeping my mind open to the possibility of baby being here in a month, in two or three is strange and mind-bendy. Not knowing the future but knowing in deep detail the 'possible' futures and trying to juggle them while not letting them overwhelm requires strong will.
I was at a women's conference a few weeks ago, and one of the speakers talked about the stages of shooting an arrow. I love a good metaphor, so this resonated with me.
When you prepare to shoot an arrow, you put the arrow in the bow, and draw the arrow back with vision, but also with a stretch, with tension.
My vision is a full term pregnancy, but even imagining this does come with some tension! Tension of what my mind knows, of my beliefs, of what I trust.
Before you can release the arrow your body needs to be in an anchoring stance (one leg behind the other, with balance in the body), this gives stabilisation to the body. The full body is engaged in this act.
I am doing everything I can to keep my body aligned. Medications, scans, regular blood pressures and so on. In the end my body will take it's own course, whatever that may be, but I sure as hell am doing all I can to keep it in line.
When the arrow is released it is done so with power and intention, until it smashes the target.
My target right now is 30 weeks of pregnancy, and my mind is set on that goal and of breaking it, of conquering, defeating. I truly believe this is possible, and at the same time don't quite believe it will happen.
Another speaker at this conference reminded me that life and growth happens in the journey, not just in the high/low lights. Whatever the outcome of this pregnancy journey, whether it's a high or a low, I know I have been stretched and grown in immeasurable ways. I certainly would not be who I am today, without walking where I have, and for that I am grateful.
I suppose what I feel right now, is that while I'm ready for anything, I'm hoping for the best and believing I can handle whatever comes my way.
Ready, aim, fire. Come at me 30 weeks. I'm waiting.