Life has lost it's rhythm lately and instead has turned to speedy rushing with sudden stops and starts.
I've been feeling a bit lost, afloat, this year, trying to make family life work for us in a way that is not just rushing through life.
Our weeks have no consistency, which is mainly down to my work as a freelance NZSL interpreter and now, caker. The hours are flux and changing, which I knew when I got into both professions, but now with kids it is too hard to sustain.
Some weeks are rushed, 7am drop offs and 6pm pick ups, rushed pasta dinners, baking late into the evening. Other weeks we are at home, kids screaming at me, wishing I could get anything done around the house without a cling on, wishing I had a few hours escape at work.
We live at both extremes with no middle ground.
Weekends are supposed to be restful, but for us are at best, busy. Saturdays are taken up with food shopping and social plans that either Matt or I or the kids have. Sundays are busy with church, sometimes later on work, and fortnightly family get togethers. We often feel more tired after the weekends than before. There is rarely time to sit, to relax, to spend time in our home doing nothing much.
It is hard, because like most modern women, I want to do it all! I want to be a attentive fun mother, have a clean house, cook nourishing food for my kids, enjoy my time at work, to be a good friend, spend quality time with my husband and have a little down time to myself. One of the biggest challenges facing me and my friends, I believe, is understanding balance and limits and learning to push back when it all gets a bit too crazy.
So I am attempting to take control, to wrangle some routine into our messy lives.
Currently Ada is in daycare 3 days a week regardless of what work I do (she loves it) but Hunter is only in care when I am interpreting. Next year I am sending them both to daycare 3 days a week. I will only be working on those 3 days (with occasional exceptions).
This means we will have two weekdays a week, every week, me and the kids to spend time together, to go to playdates, to laze around the house (my idea of heaven).
If it's a daycare day and I have no interpreting or cakes booked then perhaps I WILL HAVE TIME ALONE TO MYSELF *this is almost too hard to fathom and extremely exciting*
Having kids changed everything, and I feel like I am still barely finding my footing as a mother. Taking back control and having more consistency may or may not work- but it's worth a shot.
I would love to hear any other ideas for making life with young kids slightly less crazy!