I recently found this post I penned when Baby A had been home for about 3 weeks.
Re-reading it brought all those raw emotions flooding back. And the funny thing is, I had completely forgotton that I had felt like that, that things had been so bad (bad enough that I lost a contact in my eye!!??). The human brain is a funny thing, I had so quickly forgotten the early days, just as mother nature intended.
Things started looking up when A started to smile and respond about 6-8 weeks after we got home. Finally, some responses and interaction made everything seem brighter.
Team that with her starting to sleep longer at night, and being easier to settle (or perhaps we just know her cues better now) and I feel a lot more confident as her mum.
From what I know of babies (and it's not much, to be fair), A is a very easy baby. She sleeps well, it's easy to tell when she is tired or hungry. Of course there are still feeding issues, and medical investigations, not to mention normal baby 'moments', but all that aside she is a delight.
She is that much bigger and more sturdy now and I feel confident taking her out and about. Getting out once a day, for a walk or coffee or look around the shops gives my days purpose, which I think I had lost in the early weeks.
I've been working a few hours here and there over the past few weeks, and while it takes a mountain of effort to organise everything she needs while I am gone, it is worth it. I feel like 'me' again. Doing something 'non-mum' for just a few hours has been amazing for my mental health.
I know I'm only 6 months in, with many more challenging days to come, but today, right now, I am feeling much happier, more content and confident as A's Mum.
I couldn't be prouder of her. Although she has recently had a few horrible things done to her (four failed blood draw attempts, ng reinsertion by an inept person (me) and so on), she quickly bounces back, and is smiling and laughing again in no time. She doesn't let things get her down. She is such a joy and we love her so much x