Sunday, 24 November 2013

Fear is a liar

Fear is a sneaky beast which likes to visit me in between my day to day thoughts, when I don't even expect it.

I'm going along fine, thinking about normal things, then BAM *what if I lose my baby? I couldn't bear it- what if, what if, what if.*

I struggled with heavy fear early on in this pregnancy, and to be fair to myself, it wasn't without reason. I thought once I got to 12 weeks I'd be ok, then it was once I felt the kicks, now it's once I get to 24 weeks (viability- tomorrow!), but actually I don't think this fear will go away till baby is born, and probably not even after that.

I'm starting to realise that fear isn't necessarily logic based (as it seemed to be early in this pregnancy). Fear plays on possible but unlikely worst-case scenarios. The thing is I know there is no point wasting my time on fear. And I have some good strategies for recognising and shutting it down when it creeps up. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach is not something I need to be living with.

What is the point of me sharing this? I don't know. I don't have any amazing cures for fear, except for praying it away and ignoring it's pull into darker thoughts. I have a feeling this will be something that visits me for many years to come, and maybe it visits you too- perhaps it's just part of the human condition.

But what I, you, we, must remember is that anxiety and fear are just lies, with enough small threads of truth to make them seem real. They aren't true, they aren't our reality- fear is a liar.

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