The other night I had a vivid dream. I had been cast in a play (and it was an honor.) It was our first rehearsal and I realised I had lines and lines to learn. I knew I also had to learn the other actors lines so I would know when to say mine. I felt overwhelmed at the lines I had to learn, and didn't know how I was going to do it. I knew other people were relying on me and didn't want to let them down, or have them feel like I wasn't a good actor.
I was out of my depth and didn't know what to do.
I'm not the type who usually interprets dreams, but the meaning of this one, considering my current circumstances, is clear. I am out of my depth. I am learning a new role and I have no idea how I am going to do it. I feel inadequate, like an impostor. The anxiety I felt in my dream translates to the anxiety I feel as a new mum, as a NICU mum.
In my dream I just decided to rote learn, line by single line. Repeating over and over till the words were stuck in my head. This is the only way I can learn with my baby. Putting one foot ahead of the other, taking the next step and faking confidence.