Wednesday, 15 May 2013

The yes's and the no's

This last month, Matt and I have had our fair share of what seems like a yes...turn into a no.

As I shared with many of you, I had an early miscarriage in early April. Here is the story I wrote about it.
I should add that I am grateful for the outpouring of love we got on sharing this story. People are so amazing and kind.
I should also add that we are ok now. It was awful and difficult at the time, but we have found peace and been lucky enough to be able to move on relatively easily.

My pregnancy was at first a yes. For 2 weeks we waited to see if it would continue to be a yes and I wrote about the wait here. After 2 weeks the bleeding started and the yes quickly became a no.

Even though the grief has passed, I still have many questions, and feelings of disappointment about this. Why would it have been a yes (hopes up!) just to turn into a no. Why couldn't it have been a no all along?

Our second encounter with yes's and no's this month was for Matt. He was almost guaranteed a (pretty sweet) new job, he had two interviews that looked very positive, all the signals were there.
For 2 weeks he waited, and then..... his yes became a no.
It was his turn to feel the bitter disappointment of hope turning into reality.
It was my turn to hug him and tell him that I love him.

I don't know what God is trying to teach us through these experiences (and I believe they aren't just coincidence, although you might see it that way.) I also know that there are no answers today, and that  we just have to learn to trust, to enjoy the ride, to not yearn for the 'what if's.'
I believe the current circumstances and the meaning of them will be revealed in hindsight, and as such I'm not searching too hard to know WHY right now. I'm just going to let it be.

I know I've shared this picture before but it seemed apt in this situation too. From here.

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