World Prematurity Day- nearly 4 years on

Today is world prematurity day.

The first photo of Ada, born at 30 weeks

Day like this one, as well as miscarriage awareness, always make me stop and pause. A lot can, and did, happen in the past 5 years, and while I am forever changed by the miscarriages and Ada's premature birth, they are now distant enough from me to no longer be a source of pain. Instead my experiences are a tool to help others.

Finding our family's rhythm

Life has lost it's rhythm lately and instead has turned to speedy rushing with sudden stops and starts. 

I've been feeling a bit lost, afloat, this year, trying to make family life work for us in a way that is not just rushing through life.

Our weeks have no consistency, which is mainly down to my work as a freelance NZSL interpreter and now, caker. The hours are flux and changing, which I knew when I got into both professions, but now with kids it is too hard to sustain.

Dear Hunter, at 10 months

Dear Hunter

From the very beginning you have been so different to your sister, and you have shown us that you are well and truly your own person.

In the early days I wrote a post about how you were an easy baby, and the transition to two kids had been easier than I expected. I now realise that this is because you couldn't move yet!

Us

When two people love each other, they share their joy, multiply their hope

(words from a poem I wrote for our wedding.)

Those early days after a first baby is born are a pivotal point in a marriage. You turn from facing inwards towards each other, and open up the circle, to look down at another. You stare and are consumed by this new being, and by the time, weeks or months later, when you finally look up at each other again, everything is different. Months, years go by, and you add in another child, or two, and you are stretched further from each other as you welcome in more new life.

They share their pain, divide their sorrow

That bittersweet feeling of knowing you are done having babies.

The first months after Hunter was born, I longed for another baby. I was on fire, I was winning at montherhood with a toddler and a baby. I longed for him not to be my last.

Looking back, that was probably hormones, mixed with those 'easy days' of newborn life. Don't get me wrong- newborns aren't easy- but Hunter felt pretty easy in comparison to Ada's newborn days. I wasn't working, Ada was at care part time, we were given lots of meals and Hunter didn't require much more than snuggles and milk.

Since then, as Hunter has grown and become busier, as I've gone back to work and running a household, I have felt and immense stretch and have met the limits of my capacity nearly every day.

An Intentional life

It's been months since I've written. Actually that's not true- my blog feed is filled with un-published, half written posts. Perhaps thats symbolic of life right now. So busy and full and no time to sit and mull over ideas. Time only to get the crude ideas down and no time to refine. 

This is a reflection of life generally. Somewhere between having no kids and having two, I've started living life on a 'minute by minute' basis. I do things, they have to be done, I work, I cook, I drive, I sleep, but none of it is done with much thought. It's like living on autopilot. 

I've become so overwhelmed with multitasking to get everything done, that I never stop and pause to think of the 'why' behind everything.

Tips for a capsule wardrobe for kids

What is a capsule wardrobe?

Capsule wardrobes are all the rage right now. The goal behind them is to declutter your wardrobe, which makes it easier to pick outfits- as all your pieces should go together. It also means you think about your 'style' a lot more, meaning any pieces you do buy are more intentional. Then you end up with less 'random' pieces in your wardrobe that never get worn (I am so guilty of this.)

I've been doing a capsule wardrobe for myself for only about a month now, but it has made getting dressed much easier! In that time, I've had to buy one item (my only pair of jeans ripped!!) and instead of going for my usual bargain hunt, or two for one deal, I bought one good pair of quality jeans. Time will tell, of course, whether spending more upfront is worth it down the track, but I think it will be. I would rather have one pair of quality jeans than 3 of cheaper ones which go baggy at the knees in a few weeks (the worst!).

Why a kids capsule?

Three

Today Ada is three!

I have felt a sense of wonder and nostelgia at every one of her birthdays so far, and I'm beginning to think that feeling is going to stick around at every birthday.

It must be so common for mothers to reminisce, to look back at how far their child has come in the past year, and then to look forward and wonder about the next at birthdays.

In her third year Ada has grown so much. Most noticeably in her language- when she turned two we were still on basic toddler conversations, these days we can converse in much more depth. Most nights Matt puts Ada to bed now, as I am seeing to Hunter, but I like to pop down when I can and chat to her. We talk about the day that has come, then talk about what tomorrow will hold, then say a prayer. I love these conversations- I can see her brain whirring, and it is lovely to talk to her about real life things.